The Sum of All Fears: One Man’s Journey into the Great Beyond
As a husband and an expectant father of a newborn child, you know times have changed, responsibilities abound, and your life has taken new meaning. For example, instead of playing video games and eating pistachios throughout my holiday off, my wife informed me I was heading to the doctor’s office for the “heartbeat” visit.
This is my first baby (I have a stepson who is now 7 ), so I have never had the pleasure of going to an OBGYN office. No problem, so I thought; just like going to my personal doctor, only I don’t have to be under the microscope. I can sit back and hear a progress report, nodding my head and being a super supportive daddy to be.
As I opened the door to the office, reality faded and I was in a foreign place of little understanding, right from the start. There was not another man for miles. “Don’t panic, just find a magazine and try to blend in with the ladies” I thought. To my horror I scanned the rack and was treated to nothing but back issues of Redbook, Women’s World, Healthy Living, and last but not least, Allure! Where were they hiding Sports Illustrated or Golf Digest? I panicked and decided to stare at the floor, while my wife read a magazine and looked as cozy as if spending an afternoon at home.
I was treated to easy listening, subliminal toned music such as Billy Joel’s “Your Always a Woman to Me” and Seal’s “Crazy”. You know the one where he belts out “Baaaaaaby, Baaaaaby” over and over? After what seemed like an eternity, the nurse called us into the back.
After a weigh in of my wife (It reminded me of a boxing tale of the tape), I was escorted to the examination room. This was not an ordinary, and fear set in immediately. There was some sort of, “Terminator 2, Judgment Day” type contraption in the center of the room, rubber tips on each side; it seemed some form of alien creation. I was told this was the stirrup thing I had heard of. My wife had to get on that thing? I had to get out of that room, but had nowhere to run.
Finally the doctor came and talked, then eased my fears by saying everything was normal and it was time to check for a heartbeat, though at 9 weeks into a pregnancy it might not be heard yet. He then pulled out the device, held it to my wife, and said, “I think, I think, yes it is a heartbeat!” and held a speaker in the air. I listened and it sounded like something off of “Frampton Comes Alive”, or some type of squawk box that truckers use. It was a real heartbeat!
As we got ready to leave, my wife lingered to do paperwork, and I went back into the waiting room, or my alternate reality. I was paranoid the three women waiting in there thought I was there for examination, as my wife was nowhere to be found, so I grabbed both our coats and prayed she would not be long.
She finally came out, and upon exiting the building, with that visit under my belt, I think I am ready for whatever comes my way. Of course I am ready until six weeks from now, as I am told that the next event is a visual one.